Insecurities 

Party

The perfect sundress; California weather and loose hair, the wind dancing gently around her hair treating her like the princess she is. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it, it’s like a magic trick, you must understand it. Kisses by the sun and praises by the wind, it was clear to me that she’s the woman I need to be.

Don’t mind me using the lipstick you like on her, painting my face with the extras that makes me seem beautiful. Kyle Jenner lips and Beyoncé ambition, copy past to realize your vision. My hair is a mess, 4c hair is making me depressed, I look so awful in my African dress. Don’t mind me wearing that perfect sundress. Should I cut my hair or let it loose, so someone els could catch it and make their own image of what looks good?

I stare in the mirror and all I can think about is: “Am I even beautiful ?”

The summer is here which means it’s time to work-out, because all my weight is slowing you down. Can’t seem to catch up with your vision in life my body isn’t shaped like ‘the genie in a bottle’ to make your wishes come alive. I ran and ran but I fell a long time ago, you kept wishing and I kept whispering; ‘can’t you see I’m beautiful ?’

Magazines and television, images of ‘beautiful’ woman, I stare in the mirror and all I can think about is: “Am I even beautiful ? They tell you you’re worthless when you’re not able to throw up the left overs, breath-taking when you suffocating them with the poetry that was left on your lips before they crashed and land the words on you; “why don’t you…?” You exploded.

Is my hair not pleasing to you, are my curves too visible and Is my actual face too terrifying to you? I shouldn’t have listened you.

Because you see, I’m BEAUTIFUL.. 

Hand-made and worth more than a diamond, gold couldn’t compete with the worth that is within me, precious and wonderful I don’t need an update. No extras, no lipsticks just the strength that the Lord has given me and a future that he has planned for me. Loose 4c hair, the wind trying to gently dance around my hair, treating me like the princess I am. Freckled and ginger heads, tall girls and little ones, every type of woman there is this world, you’re all beautiful. Your passion for writing and your desire for the stars, your talent to give and forgive and wow your gorgeous smile. Don’t let any man bring you down, or any magazine make you feel small because you are wonderful just the way you are.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”                                                   – 1 Peter 3:3-4

 

Sometimes people say things without thinking twice about it, including myself I’m not going to lie. It’s going to hurt and your going to cry but in the end it’s going to be alright. Don’t let anyone tell you in different words that you should change yourself because you’re not the kind of woman they thought you’d be. Or ask you “why don’t you.. use make-up to cover up that one spot that doesn’t match the rest of your face or extensions so you actually look like a girl instead of a boy, because of that shrinkage” (Nobody is going to say that out loud, but you get the idea) Don’t let the girls in the girls locker room get to you when they show off their perfect tan. Make-up or no make-up, extensions or no extensions you should be happy with who you are and the starts from within. I’s okay if you don’t know what you want yet and how your going to get there, because some take longer that other but that doesn’t mean you’re falling behind. Insecurities have a funny way of creeping back in our heads when we finally accept that God has made us wonderfully. Life is not all about honey and roses. But by just looking in the mirror, smiling and complementing God by his masterpiece, you’re one step ahead of overcoming those insecurities.

xo, Gely

 

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