Sickness (painted white)

The room was empty, because of the white-painted walls it felt like reaching out for heaven.

Fresh snow that covered the earth with an ice-cold blanket, with the comfort that it held by being so clean with no mistakes yet marked by footprints or skid marks.

Nothing had the chance to ruin it yet.

As I entered the room, it felt like a save place to start over, to clear my thoughts and feel peace for a silent moment. Time to gather my thoughts and sort things out, but then.

I threw up the words without thinking, let the words slip over my lips without any control over my tongue. At that moment there was no existence of a conscience, I wasn’t aware that the clock was still ticking, minutes pasted by and it was already to late to take it back; the words hit the floorboard before I could stop them, packed the room with an intense silence.  I realized then what I did, what I said and It felt like the clock had stopped ticking after my conscience struck. Nauseating after saying the things that I should have kept to myself.

Sickness (n.);

“The feeling or fact of being affected with nausea or vomiting.”

 

The white-painted room that made you feel like you were reaching out for heaven, seemed Like fresh snow that covered the earth with an ice-cold blanket, with the comfort that it held by being so clean with no mistakes yet marked by footprints or skid marks; was ruined.

Isaiah 1:18: “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.

“I ruined it, I ruin everything.” I whispered to myself and also trying to keep my cool. Breathing in and out, completely in shock  and afraid of what God might think of me. Will he be upset or angry at me for saying the things I said without thinking?

‭‭James‬ ‭1:19‬:“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

“Fresh snow that covered the earth with an ice-cold blanket, with the comfort that it held by being so clean with no mistakes yet marked by footprints or skid marks.” This is a thought that most of us have while going through a situation, we are longing for a clean environment to start over. It’s like going to college after high school; nobody knows your past  mistakes, you’re a whole new person given the opportunity to start over. But with God, a new day is a new chance to say “Game over, I surrender.”

You have to realize that every morning when you wake up God is giving you the chance to start over. Nothing is ruined in the eyes of God, what to you looks like broken or wounded, God sees as mended. Being able to talk to God is an important part of your relationship with him. Don’t bottle things up until you crack, just  because God saw what happened doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you to reach out to him. It’s okay to let it all out, scream if you have to but remember to keep your word and remain faithful to God.

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:7‬: “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

You know sometimes we think that running off to a ‘clean’ environment is the answer to ease the pain. But sometimes in all the mess that we’re standing in comes fort a piece of art, the kind God wanted in the first place. He loves you for who you are, and for who you are becoming.

So don’t worry about making any mistakes by leaving any skit marks, because mistakes were made to learn from and honestly it only makes us wiser.

 

xo, Gely

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