Remind me to Speak again

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Remind me to speak again.

Sometimes I feel far away from who I used to be, me after “bad” things had happened and I gave my life to God. The in-between from my past and who I am today.

As spring is slowly turning into summer and hours become seconds, I realized that life is moving too fast. What have I done to look back on and proudly say: I grew as a person?

Not much has changed I guess, I am still the same person but not as quiet as I used to be. The writing was my only voice: quiet but loud enough when read by some. But now I took one step out of my comfort zone to use my lips (more) to say what is bothering me.

Over the past couple of months, I wished for Continue reading

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The Art School Tragedy

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For months I forced myself to work on something I wasn’t sure if I was capable of continuing in the future. I produced many ‘artworks’ while I had no clue of what I was doing. Teachers seemed to see my personality in the work I made. They found my work interesting or naive and honestly; I just thought they were crazy.

My teachers convinced me to sign up again for next semester to a class I followed. It’s a class where you’re free to experiment new ways of producing art, expand your portfolio and get feedback from teachers and students of different art schools.

Great opportunity, but the idea of entering a new semester with a ton of stress and sleepless nights left me worried if I was even able to do it. I was ready to let go of this opportunity until it felt like I might make the biggest mistake of my life if I didn’t sign up for next semester. Continue reading

SoulScripts: Your Brokenness is Welcome Here

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Your Brokeness is Welcome Here sweatshirts

In times of distress, I turn to whatever clothing store I can find to treat myself and heal the pain. I mostly end up not buying anything at all and daydream about how I might look in that exact outfit, or get lucky and there’s a 70% discount.

But for once I turned to google to search for inspirational quotes and somehow I ended up finding a clothing store anyway, or at least I thought it was just a clothing store…

Continue reading

The Prince of Peace

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Beating myself up is what I do best.

There are many things that run through my mind at the same time. You’ll most likely see me make sketches and edit InDesign files, catch up on homework, stressing about exams and the worse and the most horrifying thing from all the thoughts is to think about the right college admission letter(s).

The thing is, even though I’m under a lot of pressure because of school and college admission letter(s), I sometimes feel at peace when I go to my internship as a graphic designer because I am able to do and learn about what I love. Some days ago I got the opportunity to write (in Dutch) a little something for their WhatsApp followers and in that time I remembered that Continue reading

Forgiveness

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I’m amazed at how God is talking to me,
every time when something like this happens.

My mom is my example when it comes to faith, I’ve seen her fight for herself and her children. She wasn’t in it alone, because there is an Almighty God who gave her the strength to go through it all, in fact, God will never put us through something we cannot handle.

Some days ago I met a woman filled with the wisdom of God and it reminded me of all the things my mom used to tell me, and still does. This wise woman had many reasons to leave the church she’s in, but she chose to serve God no matter the circumstances.

Her dream is to stand on stage and sing songs of praise. All I could say was ‘amen’ and silently thank the lord for another interference like that.

This woman whom I thought looked mad at me for being too shy of a person, felt compelled to tell me that her relationship with God is real. She wasn’t raised in a Christian home, but once she met God she couldn’t imagine a life Continue reading

Crushing Into You

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Slowly becoming a grown-up made me see the world and every person around me differently, I also see myself differently.

The Bible taught me that I’m special, fearfully and wonderfully made. My friend also keeps reminding me this and that no one can tell me otherwise because I AM fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14: “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

When I was younger I was fine with being the only one in my friend group who didn’t have a boyfriend, dating or ‘messing’ around. But at some point it also made me feel left out. There were days that I thought I wasn’t going through the high school experience with the handsome prom date you see in movies, or guys drooling over Continue reading

2018

 

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13 days in and I’m not late or punctual either. I didn’t bother to write the highlights of 2017 because I was simply too lazy, maybe lazy isn’t the right word to label it. I refused to write something on the traditional timetable, where everyone posts their highlights on social media before the clock strikes 00.00 and the highlights of that year have lost its meaning. I refused to do so before 2018 began, but here I am behind my laptop typing down the highlights of 2017 anyway.

I met new people & I got hurt by some people, both of these events have changed my perspective on how I view the world and the people in it and how I see myself when I look in the mirror. I used to feel like a victim being accused of not having the right to call herself a writer, singer, and artist. I have learned that sometimes Continue reading

Dear no one

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Dear no one,
This is not your love song.

We never ended, we were just on a break. And not even a ‘break’ is the right word to describe the time we spent apart while we never truly (actually never) been together. It was never the ‘I love you’ you hear in the movies, it was more of a friendship that couldn’t tell which way it was heading. Some spins and turns, tears and confusion.
I wouldn’t dare to think more of it then the image I was getting, I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. Because you became my friend, my know-it-all.

There were times when you asked me: “What would you write about me?” I said I didn’t know to spare my own feelings, I needed time and no pressure to see where we really stood. There was a part of me wondering if Continue reading

Anxious

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I’m talking myself drunk with the pain of yesterday. Instead of joy and that warm feeling of liquid being consumed, I drown myself with the enemies that have been whispering in my head.

How I felt can be described as this: someone trying to hunt me down; my heart beating faster and terror that kept running through my mind.

The lyrics in my head from the songs I had on repeat, “You can’t be what you want every time” that changed to “You can’t have what you want every time.” Made it harder for me to accept my wrongs and move on. To let those people hate me, adding enemies to my contact list.

I nearly broke trying to save the old me, but the thing about growing up and being an ‘adult’ is that you can’t blame the world for your problems anymore. You can’t force people to change their minds and change the way they look at you because that isn’t how it works.

1 Peter 5:7 (ESV): “casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

As I went about my day and stumbled upon a podcast by Elevation Church, I learned about Psalm 139 and how David (at the end after he talked about his enemies) decided to ask for his own heart to be renewed rather asking for his enemies heart to be changed. Because he knew that if he was the one who needed change first, others would see the light inside of him in order for them to change too. I like to share this ceremony with you that I listened to about being anxious, that it may encourage you to stand firm in the word of the Lord.

Philippians 4:6 (ESV): “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

 

Note: Asking for help is not a weakness, it shows you’re strong enough to know where you stand and willing to fix the problem you’re facing. When you look at yourself and know what’s causing you to stumble pray for a renewed way of thinking and handling things; pray for wisdom and insight.

xo, Gely

Dear Reader

Dear reader,

I write this letter to you in the hope you look forward to the future. That your tears may be whipped away and your heart may be glad you let go of the pain.

Beloved reader, don’t fear the things of yesterday, use today as if tomorrow is going to be your last. Enjoy the laughter of your friends, the rain, and the storm. Support those who have little, be a light to those who need it.

Not to be a hypocrite; I lack in doing these simple things myself. But each day God surprises me with a new day, a new change to better myself. A new day to forget about yesterday, to help those who have little and laugh with my friends.

It’s going to be okay, your imperfection will be perfected if you continue to try with a heart full of love and faith.

Although I myself forget these things, there are days when I talk to the Lord and remember how much he does for me.

This letter will be your reminder to smile a little brighter and not to lose hope.

Dear reader, God bless your beautiful soul.

xo, Gely

It’s you, not them

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For years I have walked around like beauty didn’t apply to me, you cursed me with the words you spoke and broke every bit of confidence I had left. The worst part is that I blame you for everything that had happened because of course, it’s easier to blame the world instead of bruising your own heart with the truth that you’ve ignored for so long.

‘Don’t go there’ but I went anyway, it slapped me in the face, I had it coming.

Don’t get your hopes up when it comes to trusting in the words that come out of a humans mouth. It hurts when promises don’t stay promises, or simple ‘I call you backs’ turn into nothing and ‘I love you’s’ that vanish. But what hurts most is when we’re told not to trust in man but take refuge in God, and we just. Don’t. Listen

Psalm 118:8: “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.”

Neither am I this perfect person who (always) follows up on everything that she says, and that also hurts. What is the point of saying ‘I promise’ when the obvious thing that you’re thinking about before you even said those words is; ‘this is never going to happen.’

I took some time to reflect on these thoughts and words we Continue reading

Unending circle

It has been dark for a while, a thick cloud rested upon the heads of many people doing their daily tasks; it didn’t even occur to them that the darkness was and still is among them, dwelling above their heads trying to steal what is left. Including myself.

Stop the unending circle

The mist that was in our midst,

has been the mist before our eyes.

For long I’ve been trying to look over it, pretending not to see it. Ignoring its presence until it got hold of my vision.

It has always been out there, but we choose to ignore it when our lives went smoothly. Being aware of anything else makes us like those who cannot see and cannot hear. Does not the Lord say;

Matthew 13:15 For this people’s heart has grown dull, and with their ears, they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.” 

Easier to ignore what’s out there, but painful to acknowledge what’s out there – in your heart. Blindsided by choice and fil Continue reading

Insecurities 

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The perfect sundress; California weather and loose hair, the wind dancing gently around her hair treating her like the princess she is. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it, it’s like a magic trick, you must understand it. Kissed by the sun and praises by the wind, it was clear to me that she’s the woman I need to be.

Don’t mind me using the lipstick you like on her, painting my face with the extras that make me seem beautiful. Kylie Jenner lips and Beyoncé ambition, copy past to realize your vision. My hair is a mess, 4c hair is making me depressed, I look so awful in my African dress. Don’t mind me wearing that perfect sundress. Should I cut my hair or let it loose, so someone else could catch it and make their own image of what looks good?

I stare in the mirror and all I can think about is: “Am I even beautiful ?”

The summer is here which means it’s time to workout because all my weight is slowing you down. Can’t seem to catch up with your vision in life my body isn’t shaped like ‘the genie in a bottle’ to make your wishes come alive. I ran and ran but Continue reading

The End

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Ecclesiastes 3:1:For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die..”

Before there was any time left, I realized; there will never be enough time left. Time itself will go on and on until God himself decides to stop it. A day has only so many hours before the morning sun comes up, before the birds sing and stars disappear. In the beginning God created mankind; Adam and Eve. Adam was the first person God breathed the breath of life into, after he formed him out of the dust from the ground.

Ecclesiastes 12:7: “And the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.”

Your wrinkled hands that performed many works before leaving the earth, has left its body behind to be buried underground. It took time to grow and understand things, for some longer than others but God had everything planned out so there was no need to worry.

“You didn’t know what ‘being old’ meant”

You went through it all, had your moments of heart breaks and  moments of breakthroughs. You were carried in your mother’s womb for 9 months, learned to walk and talk. Grew up and Continue reading

My Diary 

Used to have a diary because I needed a friend. Wrote down what I needed to say, it felt saver on paper because my diary would never answer back or look at me with disappointment.

“You’re ‘sentence’ will be all over the paper..”

Kind of sad but this diary had the only right to ignore me and still give me comfort.

My mom once said there is no one in this world you can trust but your family and close friends. I took that with me since the very day I heard the words flowed from her lips.
It’s personal; something so easy that trees have to die for. Glued together to make it strong so their dead won’t be unnecessary. You’re ‘sentence’ will be all over the paper, the tears you cried marked on the wrinkled spots of the paper. Signed with your very own signature of writing. My Diaries turned into that unfinished business named notebooks. It was a series of stories that never reached the last page, but lingered on the lines of page 105. It was time to leave that chapter behind, a fresh start; a blank paper. I wasted lives of many trees because I wanted a new skin, so badly.

An unpublished creation left in the corner to be passed on to the next generation, to read the pain and the joy of ones past life. But that unfinished business turned out to be the inspiration to a future piece of art, whose  heart has been shattered once. Unfinished + unfinished became one finished piece. It’s amazing what you can gather together from the present to the past.

The things we experienced, stone cold hearts that turned into springs of water became a new cover of accepting who you are. My diary was the closest thing I had to God, that way he could easily read my thoughts.

 

Xo, Gely

Sickness (painted white)

The room was empty, because of the white-painted walls it felt like reaching out for heaven.

Fresh snow that covered the earth with an ice-cold blanket, with the comfort that it held by being so clean with no mistakes yet marked by footprints or skid marks.

Nothing had the chance to ruin it yet.

As I entered the room, it felt like a safe place to start over, to clear my thoughts and feel peace for a silent moment. Time to gather my thoughts and sort things out, but then.

I threw up the words without thinking, let the words slip over my lips without any control over my tongue. At that moment there was no existence of a conscience, I wasn’t aware that the clock was still ticking, minutes passed by and it was already too late to take it back; the words hit the floorboard before I could stop them, packed the room with an intense silence.  I realized then what I did, what I said, and It felt like the clock had stopped ticking after my conscience struck. Nauseating after saying the things that I should have kept to myself.

Sickness (n.);

“The feeling or fact of being affected with nausea or vomiting.”

 

The white-painted room that made you feel like you were reaching out for heaven, seemed Like fresh snow that covered the earth with an ice-cold blanket, with the comfort that Continue reading

From a mess to a message

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God is truly great and his timing is perfect. He took something that was important to me, gave it a huge spin and what at that moment seemed like a mess turned into a message:

“Man has nothing on this earth that is theirs, all what is made through the hands of man is fully made out of Gods power. Nothing on this earth belongs to you, instead look at the havens and all its greatness shall be truly yours.”

Inspiration can come from any place at anytime, if you take time to listen or use your imagination. You can use it on writing, singing, dancing, preaching etc. Sometimes that inspiration can turn into another message to help others, I think that’s ‘Gods will’.

“Pen and paper, for my work is not done yet. It isn’t I who is making it. A work in progress, from shatters pieces glued together to finish the broken pieces. He took his time to pick up the pieces. Where has my mind gone to, for I was distracted by the ways of living and focused by a reflection of selfish giving. It wasn’t I who was making it, but he who wants to restore everything.” 

At times you tell yourself: “I don’t think that God is talking to me, maybe I’m not spiritually there yet.” But he is, see; God is talking to you ALL the time! The music you listen to that gives you butterflies and feel the need to praise him. The movies you watch that make you cry Continue reading

Tornadoes

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Who am I to say that I am in the light while I am still walking through darkness, change a world in 6 days and do as I want to on my own terms?

God will bring many tornadoes (storms) in our lives, not to destroy us, not to hurt us or send us into the wrong direction. But to test our loyalty and faithfulness and guide us to the right path. You may not understand what he is doing now, but soon you will. These storms were created because of what we did in the past that seemed right at that time, but  sometimes what seems right can be wrong decisions and cause us to stumble.

God will never put you through something you cannot handle, he would never put you in a place that can lead you to internal darkness.

Things happen for a reason and mostly because of the decisions we made in our lives, a long time ago we learned this in bible study.

1 John 1:5-10: This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light and in him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with him while we are walking in darkness, we lie and do not do what is true; but if we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.  If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

Continue reading

Through The Fog

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James 4:13 – 17; Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

Didn’t see a thing, but I was in peace. 

Didn’t panic for a moment, when I should have been scared.

I knew that he was with me, while I was still in distress

But let me tell you that he took my fear and stress away in the first two sentences.

Driving through the fog made me realise that life itself is just like that; not seeing a thing, not knowing what’s to come.  Continue reading

Useless Apps

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God has no phone,but I talk to him.He has no Facebook,but He’s still my friend. He doesn’t have a Twitter,but I still follow him.

You know that feeling when you have a new smart phone and you can smell the opportunity to download useless apps to make it full again, just so you can complain afterwards.. Or is that just me?

The apps you download don’t have to be useless, especially not when you want to learn something new or enjoy some wisdom before you step outside your house, when you’re bored or getting tired of your friends (we all have those days). In this generation we have the opportunity to use our smartphones to connect with God, faster and easier.

The top 10 Christian apps that can be useful at anytime.

1. The Bible App

Our famous bible app, this app allows you to read the bible where ever you are, with our without WiFi. Translated in many languages and biblical translations. You can add your favorite bible verse in a picture and share it on all your social media accounts our even with your friends connected to the bible app itself! Read new bible plans that can help you connect to the word of God daily, and don’t forget to turn on your reminder.

2. BiOY ( Bible in One Year)

iconA testimony or a short story followed by encouraging words from the Old testament, new testament & proverbs. A daily experience that’s easy written and beautifully developed for Christians to understand the word and take it with them in their everyday life.

3. Air 1

unnamedYou may know Air 1 from some of their videos on YouTube where Christian musicians perform one of their latest songs. You’re daily doses of Christian music in one amazing radio app. What els can I say, from Hillsong United to Chris Tomlin, Moriah Peters and Lauren Daigle.

4. myKLove 

175x175bb-1Another Christian radio app, including a share wall to communicate with other Christians. Latest events and daily encouraging words from the scriptures. myKLove alowes you to enjoy the music, share your thoughts and help one another.

5. C3 Devotionals 

175x175bbI found this app while searching for apps similar to the Daily Devotional app. I love it, it was created by the C3 Brooklyn church in New York. For 92 days you get to see amazing pictures with beautiful devotionals written by Josh kelsey.

6. PureFlix

175x175bb-2Wait what? Yes, the Christian version of Netflix, from old biblical series to movies Like Gods not Dead and Old Fashioned. I don’t remember how I found out about this website/app but It gave me the great excuse to watch movies all day in the weekends.

7. Daily Devotion

Am I the only person who loves beautiful typographic pictures? I guess not because this  app was rated #1 highest crossing app in 18 countries. The first 30 days are free and for a small price you can get new devotionals for another 30 days or even a year.

8. Sith Roth: ISN

unnamed-1Amen for having those amazing Christian friends who share all their findings on the internet. Sith Roth: It’s supernatural is an app related to Sith Roth’s YouTube Channel. A talk show where Sith Roth talks about the supernatural with his guests. From God talking to you in your dreams and amazing testimonies from great pastors.

9. SheReadsTruth

Another Bible app, this app gives you the opportunity to connect with different woman all over the world to talk about the word of Jesu, devotionals and not to forget the word itself. If you think the SheReadsTruth app is amazing there is also a HeReadsTruth app for men.

10. Got Questions?

icon175x175Another lovely friend of mine recommended me this app. Got some burning questions that can’t leave your mind? Then Got questions gives you most of the answers to your questions! It’s translated in 17 different languages.

hopefully you got to learn something new, enjoyed some apps or got wisdom out of them. Before you step outside your house, when you were bored or got tired of your friends.

xo , Gely